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Bits and Pieces

Hello. Welllll, there isn't much to know about me. In other words, don't ask. Hey, but if you really want to know, one word: psychopath.. Anyways... I'm just another one of those bloggers out there, blogging about how crappy life is, etc. Pathetic, is it not? Life.

bliss; if only. Thursday, July 31, 2008 |

i think what everyone's searching for in life, is nothing else but happiness.

when Jo gets her chick-lit, she's happy.
when I get my daily dose of chocolate, i'm happy.
when Sara writes her GSR fanfic, she's happy.
when Jack gets his hands on anything electronic, he's happy.
when Ronan gets to run around in class and acquire a huge gash above his eye, narrowly escaping partial blindness, he's happy.

who are we to deny someone's happiness?
for 'normal' individuals like us, it's usually happiness all the way lest those rare sad moments choose to appear in life(self-induced emoness is a no-no here).

unfortunately, not everyone has such a privilege.
who? you might ask.
'abnormal' people. people who induce alarm and apprehension, the unknown. people most of earth's population would label as disgusting, filthy, against the laws of nature. people loathed for who they are.

lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender/transsexual people.
you name it, they'd (most probably) hate it.

so...
topic of the day.
equality.


the recent transgender pageant raid appalls me. of course, the law is the law. it's illegal in malaysia - there's no denying that. but, there's always the bigger picture to look at.

disregarding malaysian law, it's a clear violation of human rights.
religion? give it a break. god would love everyone equally nonetheless.
against the laws of nature, hmmm... who ever set those laws anyway?

LGBT are just like us. they dont have bushy tails, three eyes or green skin. their lifestyle might certainly be different compared to ours, but nobody has the right to meddle in their personal affairs nor the right to hurt them for who they are.

ever heard of people getting injured/killed because of their sexual orientation? they're called hate crimes. discrimination. forget the movies and novels, this happens everyday - just like how murders, kidnappings and rapes happen every second. people say, to avoid all this, is to forgo being one's true self. but as the very 'hip' saying goes, i'd rather be hated for who i really am than to be loved for who i am not. to do this, is to deny one's own happiness. and that's not what i would agree with because happiness is of the utmost importance to me. so yes, whatever it takes to be happy, i'd do it. but then, if it involves killing people and animals (bad stuff; you get what i mean), i'd rather be unhappy. lol

people hate because they are afraid. the weird thing is, that hate and amount of scrutiny murderers, serial killers, rapists and whatnot are up against pale in comparison to the treatment non-heterosexual people get. it's even apparent in the news, i.e. the whole anwar ibrahim sodomy case overshadowing other more pressing issues in the country. what's the big hoo-ha anyway? ohhh. closeted gay? anwar? sheesh, like i care. but sodomising a non-consensual individual? now that's a different matter altogether. yes, i acknowledge its significance and importance, especially considering the fact that it happened right here in my beloved islamic country, but would you care when there are poor people to feed, homes to be built, real criminals to be caught and economic crises to be averted? as a matter of fact, it's just another criminal case to be dealt with. if it didnt involve such a prominent political figure, i doubt it would have generated this much buzz. more could certainly be done when everyone gets their priorities straight.

now, horror of all horrors: adding religion into the picture.
i'm not going to talk about the religious aspect to all of this. it's just too confusing - contradictory to what i personally believe.


spread a little hope, people.






love is universal and it knows no boundaries.
and yes, i believe, truly believe that.

no time. Wednesday, July 30, 2008 |

i havent time for a proper entry. but i have this to say:

i'm not very happy.


kelantan
a raid at a transgender pageant
terengganu
the fishy issue regarding the purchase of those mercedes cars
penang
having her major monorail project shelved (or suspended indefinitely) when it was clearly promised to us penangites in the 9th malaysia plan


not happy at all.

exasperated. Tuesday, July 29, 2008 |

if you didnt know, i am now in the nerve-wrecking process of getting my driver's license. and i have to tell you, it freaks me out whenever i think of the driving test i'll be taking two and a half weeks from now. *shudders*

anyway, with me getting my license soon, there comes the prospect of getting a car. my parents were going to get me a suzuki swift, BUT before you detest, they were going to get me a secondhand one. so yea, there were negotiations going on.

that was a few weeks ago. the seller confirmed his decision yesterday so my mum asked my dad about it.

then everything came crashing down - dad was in a bad mood.

all thanks to some stupid dufus in the family who didnt bother to at least help him with his suitcase (especially when his hands were full since there were other boxes to carry) when he arrived home. you could have at least opened the damned door! instead, you chose to ignore the fact that he was just exiting the car. you chose to turn your back on him and entered the bedroom to continue your pathetic attempts at blogging. and your excuses of not seeing him open the gate are pathetic. even a blind/deaf person would have known. a good son would have automatically got up and helped his father. you already know how daddy is. after so much he has done for you, and you still dare disrespect him, 'provoke' him like that?

GAWD.
slams head into wall
thanks a lot.

nitwit, you know who you are. your stupid actions set off a whole chain of events that got innocent people hurt.

you just dont realise it, do you? you've already had your lectures and scoldings from mum. or maybe you do, but just choose to continue your selfish, ignorant, egocentric ways. you dont even feel guilty or remorse for whatever pain you've caused. you dont care who you hurt, just so long you get what you want. i bet you'd even kill a whole crowd of people to get to that stupid chocolate-covered pretzel!

i know you'll be reading this, and i hope it hurts. just like how you hurt everybody else. and dont give your typical 'the whole world's against me' shit. it's you, you yourself who made so many people resent you. you act like an angel (outfit comes equipped with a halo) in front of everyone else, when in actuality you're an animal, a savage at home and in front of your family. it's your attitude, your constant shouting for no reason at all, your knack for disrespect... YOU!

i know nobody's perfect, but this is insane.
you are out of control.

and let me tell you, having all that IQ and musical skill means nothing to anyone anymore. NOTHING!





so what car will i be getting? probably a savvy or a viva. i'm not complaining; i'm lucky i'm already getting a car. it's just how it happened and the fact that it could have been avoided that pisses me off. and to think i've already blabbed about my future suzuki swift to my friends. malu-ation!

today's little whim. Monday, July 28, 2008 |

i just realised i had already hit the 100th-entry mark.

frankly, i think i deserve a wax figure for that.


wait for it... wait for it...
okay. LAUGH now.

-----

in other news, the teacher's desk in class collapsed today, much to the amusement of everyone - me included. even better, i was clapping my hands. oh! which reminds me:

i just love comics.

comics make my day everyday! especially after a tiring day at school.

favourites:
my #1 has to be calvin and hobbes.

#2 ZITS.#3 close to home.#4 pickles.
#5 bizzaro.

kee's world sometimes isnt even remotely funny. but the one today was:



thaaank you, comic artists!



-----


cikgu, kamu sangat lucky!
kalau lebih awal masuk kelas,
kaki cikgu tentu patah punya.
nanti tak boleh pakai high heels lagi.

-uttered by a hilarious classmate when the teacher came in,
a few moments after the desk collapsed.
and what can i say, she loves her high heels.

helpless. Sunday, July 27, 2008 |

i need money. seriously.

not in the loan-sharks-are-making-my-life-hell serious though. it's more of the imma-material-boy kind of serious.

yes, shallow am me. sometimes.
[gag] i am pretty deep most of the time. [/gag]

i cannot wait until the day i burst out of school at the end of graduation day, get into my car, drive to gurney, ripping off my graduation garb with clothes worthy of a first day at work underneath on the way, arriving just in time for my shift at starbucks. work=money=glee! i really cannot wait, esp at the part where i get to rip off my school uniform and tie. really sounds so robbery getaway-esque. i just hope i dont swerve to avoid a chicken crossing the road, crash into a char koay teow hawker stand and die on the way there. it would be hilariously tragic if that were to happen. touch wood.

anyway, materialism aside, i also need my monthly supply of novels to read. right now, i just get one book per month, as dictated by the ones in control of the green, my parents. i also need music. original music. i try not to download music illegally, although i do sometimes succumb to temptation. i dont download them directly though; i have my orang tengah. bwahaha~

on more a more sombre note, it's really disheartening to have to depend on your parents for everything. i know, it's about teenagers wanting, YEARNING for independence yadda yadda ya. but dont you just wish you could take out your wallet, take out that wad of cash and buy whatever you want to buy (with limits la, DUH!)? dont you want to be in control? i have a very limited amount of cash in my wallet, so i really depend on my parents for everything. and it's not like i get what i really really need sometimes, i.e. MARSHMALLOWS!!!

so you say, being given a monthly allowance is better. not necessarily. well, it depends on what the terms and conditions are. having your tuition fees paid by parents but getting only $20 to spend on everything else? NO. i'd rather get $200 with the same conditions. oh wait, my add maths tuition already costs that much. darn it.

you.
get.
the.
idea.

but of course, an impending economic recession and World War III would make the whole idea of owning that really divine pair of rayban wayfarer sunglasses to show off to your friends really absurd. just... *snap* ...like that.




times are kinda hard nowadays, so i do not complain. i daydream instead, a lot. please! it's not like i demand stuff like those rich brats do. i'm not like that. not even when times are great. i actually suppress my needs for the needs of others.
okay, maybe i made that last part up.
hey wait. i do suppress my needs for the needs of others! urgh. back to the problem of me unable to say 'NO'.
that said, money still does not make the whole world go round, IMHO.
IMHO = in my honest opinion. not i am a ho!
that was a bad joke, i know. but i will not apologise.
wow! it's me talking to myself all over again! i should tell to my therapist to increase our sessions, and maybe my meds, too. *twitch*
urgh... the world seriously needs more colours because i have none left to colour these last two thoughts!!!

regret. Saturday, July 26, 2008 |

i had so much fun in school today. i was quite frustrated when i found out we had classes today as replacement for the raya holidays, but who knew.

firstly, there were the jokes, pranks and humour.
and then there was a board game.

regret plagues me every now and then when i think about the very short amount of time left i have with my school friends. it saddens me. why oh why didnt i have join their activities i thought were pointless and silly these last few years? why did i scoff in distaste and roll my eyes when i saw them laughing and having so much fun together? answer: i was introverted. and maybe because i didnt know them that well until last year.

so yes, i can say that i am that little bit more outgoing. and i love it.

great. i just spilt chamomile tea all over myself.

anyways, i cant believe i'm saying this, but i'll be missing school when it's all finally over. but keep in mind, i'll be missing it only because i'll miss all my friends and all the fun times we had together... and well, maybe a few nice teachers also.

urgh, and to think i have to start everything all over again in college.

anything. Thursday, July 24, 2008 |


i'd do anything.
whatever it takes.
anything.
if i have to

crawl, beg and
get down on my knees
whatever it takes...
i'd do anything~



just understand.

out with a bang. Sunday, July 20, 2008 |


i watched The Dark Knight today and i have to say, it really lived up to all the hype it's been generating. it also got a five-star review in local newspaper this week, something I've never actually seen before. those five stars convinced me that this was one movie not to miss.

the movie started off well and ended well, albeit tragically, which got everyone thinking, delving deeper into the themes and morals of movie. and the movie had me gripping the sides of my seat constantly. the startling moments of the movie come so abruptly that i had to mentally prepare myself as i presumed that every eerily-quiet moment would be followed by a (BOO!). there were even moments when the audience was so engrossed, so hypnotised by the Joker's sinister actions that there was complete silence. seriously, nobody was breathing in those minutes of painful suspense. and the plot of the movie was so finely architectured - conflict, chaos, tragedy all at once without being too overwhelmed. everything was perfectly orchestrated, right down to the grubbiness of the Joker's make-up.

but above everything else, i have to give praise to the late Heath Ledger. his portrayal of the Joker was hauntingly magnificent. he was cruel, funny, sadistic, insane, sarcastic and so much more of what the Joker was supposed to be - simply, perfect. many said he overshadowed jack nicholson who previously acted in the said role. i'm sure that's true, even when i havent watched that movie before (i doubt i'll be watching it anyway; my expectations would be way too high already). also, that one line "you complete me" he uttered to batman was hilarious. but of course, to understand why i'm laughing right now, you'd have to watch it. you MUST watch it. i'm certain Heath will be getting that posthumous oscar award because he totally deserves it. anyway, it's tragic Heath is gone. he was a great actor and sadly, we wouldnt be able to see him as the Joker again in a sequel (if there's one). but, depressing as it is, at least he went out with a BANG.

let us observe a moment of silence...

...but then, as the Joker would say,


"Why so serious?"


;)





i read somewhere that steve carell (the one in Get Smart?) expressed interest in playing the Joker. now, that's funny. HAHAHAHA.
anyhoo, the next person to act as the Joker has GARGANTUAN shoes to fill.

yeesh. Tuesday, July 15, 2008 |

i hate internet explorer. everytime i try to open a new tab, it freezes. then it crashes. so being the silly forgetful fool i am, i opened a new tab just now when i was in the midst of blogging. since stupid blogger's stupid so-called automatic 'save' function wasnt working, i damn lost everything.

i'm trying to recall what i was blogging about. sorry, it's called short-term memory loss.

ahh. here we are.

i havent been blogging lately(obviously). there just hasnt been anything to blog about.

i'm not going to rant about my (still)pathetic life because i know everyone's sick and tired of it, me included. i'm not going to discuss the political situation of my country like those bloggers out there because i dont blog like that. it's just not me.

nothing interesting has been happening lately~

~oh. i'm entering this small tennis tournament next month. i personally dont think i stand a chance. i do daydream about me winning it though. lol. i'd probably pee in my shorts before i even start playing. my nerves never did me any good. i'm also unbelievably self-conscious. i am going to cringe in embarrassment everytime i miss the ball or when i serve double faults the whole way. my service is just so... urgh. and my backhand! dont even get me started. let's just say, my tennis game hasnt been very nice to me lately. that said, i should really consider the utter seriousness of me wanting to be a tennis pro because that is NOT going to happen. never.

my cousin left for singapore today. she's going to be in NUS for a degree in journalism or something like that. she's opened a new chapter in her life and i still cant believe she's off already. after completing her degree, she's gonna be working there. and as we all know, when you work there, you're probably going to end up staying there. wont be seeing her at family gatherings so often anymore. sigh. things just happen so fast. too fast. but still, all the best to her! :)

a cat was killed the other day. my mum and her two friends were on the way to a foot reflexology session that night when the unfortunate incident occured. they were at lorong selamat with my mum's friend driving.

hey, the yong tau foo here very famous wan.
really meh?
nah, there's the place. (points at the place)
ehh, why is it closed so early?
(everyone turns to glance at the place)
(suddenly...) MEEEOOWRRrrr!
(everyone stiffens, as the horrible reality of
them killing a cat rained down on them)
OH NO. i wasnt driving that fast, was i?
you actually were~
EEEEK. i dont want to see! (shields eyes with hands)
oh my goodness...
haiyo, never mind la. we sent it to a better life already.
(believes in reincarnation)
as i was saying...

they then proceed to have their feet reflexologied. talking, laughing their heads and enjoying themselves. it was like nothing ever happened. the fact that my mum still has nightmares about it amuses me. i was laughing my head off when she related the incident to me.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!"

it's funnier if i told you in person. so dont go apeshit.

who am i? Thursday, July 10, 2008 |

i'm spiderman.

okay. jokes aside, seriously ask yourself, "who am i?"

i am at a roadblock right now. i do not know what i want in my life. i have not the slightest inkling of what i might be doing in 5 years. i cannot imagine what my future would be like.

go with the flow? i dont think so.
dont worry until worry worries you? maybe... but that's not really a long-term plan.
be yourself? i wish that were easier.

so, who am i? i'm not sure. what will i be in the future? that's even more impossible to answer.

what i do know is that i can be whatever i want in my fantasies though.
that's called daydreaming.

and i am so sure that all this is being caused by something... something nobody would ever understand(i'd try to tell you that i am not being emo at all right now, but i know that would actually have the opposite effect...)(I AM NOT EMO. in fact, i'm smiling! crazily!) it's an inner conspiracy actually. i'm teaming up with myself, trying to destroy my own future with my morbid thoughts, unreasonable (but very real) fears and pathetic attempts at being someone i am not.

i know that my entries have been quite depressing lately, but i'm just trying to find myself. or maybe just trying to come to terms with the failed chocolatier i am bound to be.

i have to admit that all this sounds really emo. yea, i realised.

on a brighter note, i have finally got my L license. that means i'll be taking driving lessons soon. and that means i'll be driving (for real) in a month or two. actually make that a month and a half. so yea, be careful. you'd never know that i was trying to run you over! teehee!




twiddle deedle deee...

expectations. Tuesday, July 08, 2008 |

sometimes i think i expect too much from myself. too much.

urrrgh. i feel like killing myself when i dont meet these stupid expectations.
  1. firstly, i want to say i am not emo for being like this. but yes, i am very sad and disappointed with myself.
  2. my tennis is deteriorating again (not that it was great in the first place anyway).
  3. my grades are impossibly baaaad.
  4. my skin is diseased.
  5. my teeth = metal.
  6. i'm partially blind (and i cant get them lasered until i'm at least 21).
  7. i have no useful talents. wait, so you say i can photoshop, but will that get me good grades? hmmmm...? (HA! gotcha.)
  8. according to someone, my sarcasm is fast becoming an irritant.
  9. i cant even talk well (i actually need speech therapy that's usually reserved for special persons).
  10. i am lazy and undisciplined and am ALWAYS tired = zero productivity.

some of these arent even exactly expectations! thats how pathetic i am! self-bashing!

sigh. why... WHY?! how am i suppose to live like this! agonising...

maybe i should take a break. a holiday in melbourne sounds great... the only problem is that i have no money! none! nil! langsung tak ada! ARGH! (and to those who insist i'm one of those rich people who deny their rich-ness, fuck you! I AM NOT RICH, get that?)

is it the world's abnormally high standards that's pressuring me to expect so much of myself? or is it just me? i hope it's the former because otherwise i would have to soon admit myself into an asylum.

hmmmm... being bound in a straitjacket and bouncing around in a padded cell actually sounds quite fun.






am i suppose to expect so much?

adolescent experiments --- minus the premarital sex. Friday, July 04, 2008 |

yea well... my cousin and i went a bit hyper after having a smoke. we spammed my brother's msn conversations and prank-called his friends.

hello?
hello! this is pizza hut. how may i help you?
huh?
may i take your order?
what the~
sir? hello? oh, we're actually having our cheesy bites offer.
buy one large pizza and get another one at 50%!
double the cheesiness! yay!
*hangs up*
hello? hello? *laughs*


about the cigar... we were just trying la, ok? i'd probably get a slap from seumas after he finds out i tried this. but then, looks who's talking? who's the one going around drinking all kinds of booze? sherry, cognac, red/white wine just to name a few.
yea, he just loves slapping people. lol
he loves booze too.
i hate booze!
esp after the episode where i got so drunk i vomited (sashimi and chocolate cake) into the toilet bowl. eurgh.

ohyea, kids?

don't smoke.

yay, spaghetti! Wednesday, July 02, 2008 |



my cousin arrived from KL last saturday. i see another collaboration on the charts soon.


hey wait. my cousin just ate those radioactive cupcakes up there. so ala spiderman and radioactive spider, we now have cupcake girl! no more cupcakes for you guys. hahahaha~