down in the dumps.
Somehow I'm finding hard to start blogging again, but I need an outlet, somewhere familiar to express what I'm feeling. It's a range of negative emotions, so what better place, right? I can't go around sobbing my eyes out (I weep myself to sleep, but somehow that isn't enough, is it?). I can't exactly vent my anger and frustration on my cousins, who are still as annoying as ever. I can't do anything I wish I could, actually. It's pathetic, how sorry I feel for myself.
Damn.
I feel like I haven't a purpose and I am so demotivated by that. I want to die; I want to disappear. I just want to get away from all this.
In a way, I want to get my act together. Start studying, start getting good grades, start looking forward to university. It's just so hard taking that first step, and after that, sustaining the effort. I never could understand how easily some people can set their mind on something and work their way towards their goals. I think I used to be able to do that; I've forgotten how to though. So much has changed since Form 5. My priorities are no longer what they should be. Right now, studying is of no interest to me, at least what I'm studying isn't.
Fuck it, fuck Form 6! But I can't. I need to do this.
Then do it.