miley cyrus has the ugliest lips ever.
maybe it's not that, but something about the porportions of her face just makes looking at her unappealing.
or maybe it's because i'm annoyed and worried at the fact that millions of pre-teen children have been ensnared into her trap. she cant sing, you toothless morons!
i still think her lips are ugly though.

ok, i feel better now.

that's what i made for breakfast today. weird combination, i know. but certain ingredients were not available, or else i would have made omelettes with a side of steamed asparagus/ mushroom soup accompanied by toasted bread topped with freshly grilled homemade cheese/ pancakes drizzled with maple syrup and a bunch of raspberries, strawberries and blueberries.

frankly, the ingredients i need are either too expensive, too damn hard to find or both. stupid. for example, double cream, vanilla pods and fresh raspberries.

i use double cream when i want to whip it for desserts. strawberries and cream etc. yum~
vanilla pods are the real thing. unlike vanilla essense, this is vanilla flavour in its truest and most natural form. one pod would probably cost 10 bucks here, that's if i can even find a place that sells it.
raspberries are so fucking goddamn expensive. if i could get my hands on some, i'd like to make a sorbet, or maybe even a raspberry souffle.

ingredients like these are so darn cheap elsewhere, esp in the US, the UK, canada and france.

as of now, i'm thinking of pursuing a career in the culinary industry, just because i'm hot and i'm cold. seriously, who knows what i would want to be next! a farmer? a firefighter? or maybe a nurse even! who fucking knows?!

serious seriously, i think i would be quite content with all things food. i'm just worried about... oh wait, i'm always worried no matter the situation. forget it.

i just wish you would make up your mind, you indecisive imbecile!



am i the ONLY guy who PMS-es like a bitch only katy perry would know? answer me, because i honestly dont know.

i wonder how some of those singer-songwriters make it happen, because they really know how to.

the songs they write and sing, it's just crazy because to me, how do you even think of such stuff? maybe i'm shallower than i thought, but whatever. some songs just have really, really insane/ inspirational/ out-of-the-blue/ nonsensical/ influential/ unique lyrics.

i dont think this applies exclusively to singer-songwriters. songwriters themselves too are just... urgh, impossible. it takes a lot of talent, imagination and creativity to write real songs that may or may not be mainstream, catchy or even popular. come to think of it, the songs you see at the top of some of those music charts? yea, the lyrics that go with them sometimes, when broken down, are seriously nothing you would like to shout about.

yes, they're crazily catchy.

Womanizer, Woman-Womanizer
You're a womanizer,
Oh womanizer, Oh you're a womanizer, baby
You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer

yes, they're just songs that you would love to sing along to.

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

but do they evoke an emotion or strike a chord? what sort of feeling that is, is difficult to describe because only you would know if you've felt it. does that make sense?

i dont want to write anymore because it's hard to write down what i'm thinking. right now, i dont see where this is going, so what's the point in continuing when i know what i'm writing will not be what i'm thinking? frankly, i just dont have a way with words, and that really gets me down. but the reason to why i even started, it's because of a few songs written by a real talented singer-songwriter. and off-topic: i dont want to judge, but people who listen to songs just because they're fast, catchy and whatever need to get a life. "what's wrong with that song?" "oh, it was boring." let's say the song in question was a slow one with the most meaningful lyrics ever. sure, you can listen to those catchy tunes, but people should listen to songs more for their lyrics then for their degree of catchy-ness.
(i think i just typed out what i really wanted to say after all this while, just in a way i didnt want to. *slaps forehead*)

but then, maybe i'm just being pushy.


anyway, in the end, i think i just expect so much of myself. in other words, i'm not happy with who i am and wished i was something more.


and btw? all those words you read at the end of each entry, 75% of the time they're part of a song that i've listened to, that i think really stands out or just relates to me in their own way. i didnt write any of them myself...

...but i really wish i did.





i'm bored of cheap and cheerful
i want expensive sadness

well, i called the restaurant and they said they found my glasses. yipee~

why didnt i think of that? stupid.

i was up the whole night wondering how much a new pair would cost when i suddenly told myself to stop acting so irrationally and to call the restaurant tomorrow. the most obvious thing to do, wasnt it? urgh.

sometimes i wonder how i'll survive on my own with a brain like this.

and now, since they found my glasses, i wholly recommend you visiting the restaurant. LOL. well, seriously? it wasnt that bad. maybe it was because i was in an almost-foul mood yesterday. whatever. if you want to go, then go. if you dont want to go, mai suak.

no, i havent lost my mind - i lost that earlier this year - i've lost my fucking glasses!

without them, i could be likened to a stumbling, rambling imbecile in the dark.
well, maybe not but it's still a bad thing!
GAAAWD.

today is my father's, hmm... what's 2009 minus 1963? oh. it's his 46th birthday. we celebrated at this irish pub slash restaurant, shenanigans. (you should read the following in an irish accent) it was crazy. everything and everyone was all over the place. the waiters were a wee bit dimwitted, the food was slow and the atmosphere was... oh wait, there wasnt any. and the menus! have you ever heard of a restaurant with insufficient menus?! oh my leprechaun! very inefficient indeed! the food wasnt anything to shout about too. nothing memorable. conclusion: not recommended because i wouldnt go back there. (stop accent NOW)

about my glasses: DAMMIT! my only pair, gone! if my parents found out, i'd be dead.

... but then, i dont think they have to find out. since i've got some money now, i'll buy another pair myself. i still dont like what's happening though. what a stupid, unnecessary waste of money on something that could have been prevented! and i'll have to buy my specs ASAP because i cannot watch tv without them. a world without tv would be the last straw...

*twitching violently*

... but it's my money!!!




i dont know how i'm meant to feel anymore.

i have this sudden urge to dye my hair. i was thinking of platinum blonde, EWWWWW NO! a dark ashy brown.

i'm also wondering whether i should cut my hair or just let it grow.

if i cut it, i wouldnt know what kind of style i'd want.
if i dont, i'm just worried i'd look like an untidy little punk. plus my hair is losing support. and i suck at styling.

maybe i should just go for a trim. but then i'd waste rm15 just for a trim.

stupid. this is what happens when i have to depend on myself and utilise my hard-earned money. i'm the type that pores over every little detail before spending my money, MY OWN HARD-EARNED MONEY, on something. i just hope this notion's temporary because living like this is crazy and i just plain hate it.

well, i have to learn to become independent, dont i?

*mumble, grumble*

roger federer cried...

...just wanted you to know. anyway, the main thing now is that i am just on the very brink of imploding. maybe when i do, i'd do it in a corner in the bathroom. this overwhelming feeling of hatred and anger and disappointment has been consuming so much of my energy for the past couple of days. and i dont even know the reason behind all this rage. wait, i probably do, but i just dont feel like talking about it. right now, i'm just busy being mad.

i feel more alone than ever. it's possibly all these teenage hormones and stuff but what if it's not? it's just hard to explain. but then maybe it's not hard to explain... maybe, MAYBE i just dont wanna talk about it!

oh god.