just what i need: someone berating me for not applying for the taylor's college scholarship.

would you stop that?

i am so irritated by your constant "i-told-you-so" kind of persecutions. i fcking get it, GET IT?! and when i decide not to pursue a certain scholarship, dont go thinking that i'm throwing away some golden opportunity. i'm not going to apply for every scholarship i see! i have my preferences and i make my own choices.

i totally GET that it was silly not even trying to apply for the scholarship.
i certainly KNOW that it was stupid of me to think that i didnt have any chance at the scholarship.
i absolutely UNDERSTAND that i could have gotten to go somewhere else than the form six everyone seems to fcking look down upon.

now, would you just shut up?

i dont need you to continuously remind me of my blunder.
you dont think i feel regret? well, i do.

i feel it all the time.
when i hear all my friends making their way to some better pre-u education.
when i see that they were chosen because they took the initiative (or because they're rich).
when i know that i am not one of the smarter students because i didnt try, study hard enough.

but i learn from it and try to put it behind me.

and when it is behind me, you suddenly pop up, putting me down for that past mistake.

i appreciate your concern... i appreciate it so much and am grateful for a friend like you. but i do not appreciate your constant, distressing reminders. really, once is enough. i'm not some 90-year-old hunchbacked and demented has-been if you can recall. haha~

i'm having enough doubts already. that's why i dont need another blow to what's left of my self-respect and -confidence.

now just let me try picking up the pieces.