it always starts with the "you and that lazy attitude of yours..." or "why couldnt you do better? i have told you so many times to..." or even "you know you can do better, but no. you always study last minute and say you couldnt finish the exam paper...". all with that HORRIBLE tone of theirs. you know? that tone. THAT tone.

stupids. i am so fuming mad right now. i did badly for my exam. so? i know it's important and all. SO?! so it proves i'm stupid. it proves i'm lazy. it also proves i'm a good-for-nothing bastard.

they say i was such a promising student when i was in form 1. and now they say i'm nothing like that anymore. bullshit.

firstly,

i was not promising.

i was just fat.

it's not like i was exhibiting prodigal abilities. i was never no.1 in primary school. i wasnt learning grade 6 piano yet, not like those freaks out there (in fact, i just quit piano last year). it's not like i was an aspiring athlete. i was none of those things. NONE. what's so promising about that, huh? NOTHING. i was just your typical, oh-it's-that-naive-boy-over-there boy. i was quirky. i was introverted. i was pathetic. and i still am all those things. nothing promising. i never considered myself what you would call 'promising'. it never occurred to me. why? because it just never occurred to me.

but then, when you use that word 'promising' combined with the following words,

i'm crushed, with a capital c.

as i have said for the kazillionth time, i never considered myself promising. but then when you say it like that, in such a way like you really thought i was gonna make it big... you're just making me feel bad about myself.

you know what? just dont expect so much of me. expecting too much will only bring disappointment and the flashing of that middle finger. you said it yourself, didnt you?