i'm down in the dumps today. probably will be for the next few days as well.

i just hate it. i hate my skin. well, i should be thankful that i even have skin at all, but what's there to be thankful about when you have skin covered with acne, scars, redness and fine lines caused by dryness? nobody wants that. ever.

my only consolation is photoshop. but i cant wear photoshopped skin in real life, so... yea, bad skin. but of course, nobody can ever dream of having perfect skin. perfect skin is... impossible. impossible as in seeing-a-cow-bark impossible. so what now? what do i want? i dont want perfect skin because i obviously can never have it. what do i want? i want nice skin. not perfect, but nice. is that so much to ask for? nice skin as in maybe a pimple or two every now and then. a spot here and there. maybe occasional dry patches on my cheeks. i dont care. it's better than having what i'm having now.

you may think that i'm being shallow, superficial. it's more than that. it's about confidence and self-esteem. it's about how it's slowly eroding away, about how i'm losing the battle to this crippling skin 'disease'. i just... dont know what to do anymore. i'm losing my grip.

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i'm now looking at the photos taken in south africa last august. my skin was nice.

there i was, complaining about how that single pimple was destroying my face. now? here i am, with uncountable pimples and scars.

i guess it's true.