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Bits and Pieces

Hello. Welllll, there isn't much to know about me. In other words, don't ask. Hey, but if you really want to know, one word: psychopath.. Anyways... I'm just another one of those bloggers out there, blogging about how crappy life is, etc. Pathetic, is it not? Life.

nightmare. Saturday, November 29, 2008 |

i had a really bad dream about my first day working at coffee bean.

the manager called yesterday to tell me my work schedule for monday. so i'm guessing that invited the dream reaper. and oh, i'll be at the outlet in island plaza, working from 7pm to 12am on monday.

well, it wasnt much. i mean, the dream wasnt that bad, but how discouraging really! for work i would have to wear "black pants, black socks, black shoes and a white polo shirt". ok lo...

in my dream, i dreamt that i wore the total opposite. i wore white pants, white socks, white shoes and a black polo shirt. hahaha~

so yea, i didnt realise my mistake until i was about to enter coffee bean. my mother and brothers who dropped me off were about to leave, so i shouted and gestured frantically at them. which was weird, because i could have just used my handphone... OH WAIT, mine's been sent for repairs. i guess reality does present itself in dreams.

i was panicking like crazy. and the heavy, monsoon-like rain did not help.

then suddenly, the scene changed. i was sitting in a pew in church, observing people shooting each other...

... with paintballs.



glamourous indie rock and roll.

liberated, just a bit. Wednesday, November 26, 2008 |

i went for a haircut just now. it felt great in the sense that i feel more light-headed (literally) now. my hair was quite long and was starting to flatten out, losing support. urgh. it was ugly and untidy and slobbish. euck. it was not the style i wanted but i'm contented. i dont even know how to describe the kind of cut i want. whatever.

now that my crowning glory's been pruned, the only thing i need sprucing up now is my skin.

GAWD. i am breaking out like i just hit puberty, where tonnes of testosterone spill into your system (incidentally, my skin was quite clear before i got to 15). having said that, i am not happy. stupid skin, why... WHY?! within an hour of cleansing, my nose is already glossy with sebum! within two, frankly, there would be enough to fry two eggs sunny-side up (you wouldn't want to do that). and the scars and redness and PIMPLES! the horror!

honestly, i would eat caterpillars if that's what it takes to get clear skin. i'd even... okay, let's not go there because i just had an image of katy perry kissing a girl in my head. hehehe... so yea, that is how desperate i truly am! this is a curse! A CURSE!

i was watching mtv truelife a few weeks ago and it was about 3 teens who had acne, as in really bad acne. i could totally relate to their emotions and self-image. the only boy on the show even cried when he couldnt get the meds required. it's roaccutane. one girl got it and her skin cleared up in a few months. I NEED SOME. but it's expensive. life is so unfair. SO UNJUST.

on a more serious note, i'm working at coffee bean & tea leaf starting 1st december. so do drop by and make my life hell if you could! by all means, puke on the ground, smash the cups, shout at me! i'd be laughing. and eventually i'd get fired. so good! mission accomplised.

anyway, if you dont have or havent had acne before, dont even bother saying anything. you dont know how it feels like.

i should just console myself. none of my friends have skin as bad as mine. so i cant talk to them and receive an appropriate response that would make me feel better. maybe it's just me. nothing can make me feel better, EXCEPT clear skin.

that concludes the rant of the day.



no sex no drugs no life no love on a day like this.

not appreciated. Tuesday, November 04, 2008 |

just what i need: someone berating me for not applying for the taylor's college scholarship.

would you stop that?

i am so irritated by your constant "i-told-you-so" kind of persecutions. i fcking get it, GET IT?! and when i decide not to pursue a certain scholarship, dont go thinking that i'm throwing away some golden opportunity. i'm not going to apply for every scholarship i see! i have my preferences and i make my own choices.

i totally GET that it was silly not even trying to apply for the scholarship.
i certainly KNOW that it was stupid of me to think that i didnt have any chance at the scholarship.
i absolutely UNDERSTAND that i could have gotten to go somewhere else than the form six everyone seems to fcking look down upon.

now, would you just shut up?

i dont need you to continuously remind me of my blunder.
you dont think i feel regret? well, i do.

i feel it all the time.
when i hear all my friends making their way to some better pre-u education.
when i see that they were chosen because they took the initiative (or because they're rich).
when i know that i am not one of the smarter students because i didnt try, study hard enough.

but i learn from it and try to put it behind me.

and when it is behind me, you suddenly pop up, putting me down for that past mistake.

i appreciate your concern... i appreciate it so much and am grateful for a friend like you. but i do not appreciate your constant, distressing reminders. really, once is enough. i'm not some 90-year-old hunchbacked and demented has-been if you can recall. haha~

i'm having enough doubts already. that's why i dont need another blow to what's left of my self-respect and -confidence.

now just let me try picking up the pieces.