"friendship is like pee in your pants. everyone can see it's there, but only you can feel the true warmth." -unknown

tralalala~ it was Seumas' birthday yesterday... like, duh. why did i even bother mentioning it? everyone, as in everyone, knows that. you can tell by the sheer amount of birthday messages he gets on his facebook. actually, this doesnt apply only to him because it's the same for CK and Joel too. everyone knows their birthdays. it's general knowledge! not many may know mine though, but hey, that's okay.

whooo, went off-track for awhile there. anyway, i baked a chocolate cloud cake specially for him, mainly because besides having zero ringgit, i hadnt the faintest idea what to get him. so yea, (quoting Joel) "nothing beats a handmade present." right? anyway, i didnt know egg whites took so long to whisk til they 'hold their shape but not too stiff'. thanks goodness i had CK over to help out because i swear, if it werent for his majesty, i would have had to wear a sling over my arm to the birthday dinner. now imagine: moist chocolate cake with whipped cream on top. sound yummy?

i was kinda hoping it would look like the photo of the cake shown in the recipe... oh well. it must be because of the whipped cream; i didnt have enough! drats! and we were in a rush anyway. that was mighty silly of us because, well, let's just not delve into all the commotion that we caused prior to arriving at Seumas' house, ok? when we finally arrived at his place, CK and i somehow managed to get in and then light the candles on the cake without him knowing. he was upstairs with Joel, then next thing he knew...


we sang the happy birthday song and yadda yadda yadda. everyone then proceeded downstairs to help themselves to a slice of cake. they all said it was very yummy. awwwww... *glows*


after some chit-chat, Seumas' mother and sister finally revealed themselves and we were off to the buffet. well, they were off to the buffet, Joel and i were off to the petrol station and gurney drive. Joel had to have his car refuelled. on top of that, he had to get his birthday present to Seumas from S&J at gurney plaza. we just stopped at the side of a row of parked motorbikes, and he got out, leaving me alone for 15 minutes or so. it was boring. yawned. i seriously contemplated driving off.

when we arrived at evergreen laurel (not being greedy or anything... but shucks, not rasa sayang as i had initially hoped for), Joel tried to bluff the carpark security guard to no avail. he still had to pay rm4. better luck next time! we talked about mercedes-benz cars on the way up to the buffet. (later we discovered that the others, who were travelling in a mercedes, were given a ticket whereas us, in a humble kancil, had to pay rm4 straight away. is this some form of discrimination or what?!)

us four boys really makan non-stop. i just felt really awkward at moments where Shannon and Mrs Teh were not eating and just staring at us gorge ourselves. hehe. i personally think i, unfortunately, received the most stares as i came back two separate times with plates heaped with tempura prawn and sashimi. and then when i had to explain that i had simply just brought more to share with Joel, i think i gave them the impression that i was using Joel to cover for my gluttony. well, maybe it was just my imagination but just to clear my name, all claims are untrue. i mean, without Joel, i would have still eaten that much because, for pete's sake, it was a BUFFET! because no matter how much you eat, you still pay the same price! i was just utilising the opportunity.

we were frequently engaged in conversations regarding our ambitions and future studies with Mrs Teh. it was, hmmm... interesting. She even told us stories about her university days. especially memorable was the story about how the communal bathroom floor collapsed on itself unto the laundry room. i was hoping there would bodies, but... there were none.

because it was his birthday, Seumas got a complimentary birthday cake. frankly, my chocolate cloud cake felt offended at the sight of it, eventhough it was stuck in a fridge 3km away. his dinner was FOC too. when dinner was over, we four boys went to the lobby to camwhore. macam tourist saja. it was all in good fun though. after that, we decided to hang out some more at the starbucks in gurney plaza(without Seumas' mum and sis la, mereka dah balik dulu). anyway, heck, we even camwhored in the car on the way there, in there, and on the way back. gosh.

Joel: look! driving without my eyes on the road!

it's frustrating seeing how i smiled in both photos.

macho macho man.

birthday boy is drunk and horny. LOL

honestly? i have nothing to say... i'm just too busy laughing.

911, what's your emergency?
uhhh... help! i think someone's being kidnapped? *squeak*

i had a really, really fun time last night(but was dead tired by the time i got home, was almost twelve). not a really fun time today though. i had diarrhoea three times already - must have been the buffet. i had to suffer in school until i was excused early at 12pm. btw, i purged my bowels twice... in the male teachers' toilet. had to sneak in. who cares? i mean, i wasnt going to subject myself to the normal toilets when i was already in such condition - cold sweat, horrible stomach pains etc! CK had it twice. Seumas said he felt bad about it. hahaha~

before i forget, Seumas and CK are going off to Australia and Singapore respectively January next year. this has got to be one of our last really fun moments ever together before they both go off. sigh. i guess it's just me and Joel next year... more cake for us then. hrmph!

but, if i may be honest, GAWD, i am genuinely really going to miss times like these.
absolutely.
positively.
unquestionably.

circa 2006.t'was just like yesterday.
:)

oh my god. katy perry, you will be the death of me.



besides this hilarious 'stunt' of hers, her songs are so sinfully addictive.

and honestly? i hate that i love them. i hate it... so much. cant help it though. anything to get me through the day. oh wait, that sounded wrong... in my head.

'cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in and you're out
you're up and you're down
you're wrong when it's right
it's black and it's white
we fight, we break up
we kiss, we make up...

PLEASE, JUST GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD!

outta my, outta my head, want you outta my head
outta my, outta my head, get outta my head...

*slaps forehead*

but on a more serious, non-katy-perry's-crazy-antics note, the real artist right now would be Duffy.

her songs are the real deal because for once, i do not get sick and tired of them even after listening to her album for over a bazillion times! that's why i dont understand how seumas could find them remotely boring. GAWD! lol
currently one of my favourite artists. really really REEEAAALLLYYY favourite. period. so move aside, katy! i guess it was just another one of those one-night-stands. now shooo!
i am hooked and i cannot wait for her second album. this is so exciting!
*spontaneously combusts*

i want to learn how to cook. so badly.

i dont want to rely on fast food, takeaway meals or someone else for breakfast/lunch/dinner in the future. in fact, that would be my worst nightmare. i feel so stupid not knowing how to cook. in fact, i'd feel that you're stupid too if you dont even know the basics. but right now, i'm not just talking about the basics. i'm talking about just a little below the level of the professionals, like jamie oliver. typical ambitious me, lol. but gawd, him and nigella are my kitchen idols. just dont talk to me about gordon ramsay.

being able to prepare such delicious food and share it with loved ones would make me so happy. if i could, i'd invite people over every weekend for food. well, in the future lah. that would be what i look forward to everyday, being in the kitchen, being familiar with every food, spice and herb. i mean, like right now, i still feel unsure and uncertain even when baking those cookies and cupcakes i've baked for some time now. some people say that being able to bake is good enough already. you buffoons! what the heck? for starters, i only know how to bake chocolate chip cookies and a few type of cupcakes. what about bread, shortbread, cakes, pies, tarts, puddings, souffle, homemade ice-cream etc?! secondly, i'd rather be able to cook than bake, you know. one can live without dessert, but not without the main course!

but it's not like i want to pursue a career in the culinary industry. i would cook for my own personal pleasure and enjoyment. besides, i live to eat, not eat to live like some annoyingly narrow-minded people i know. i want to be a psychologist/astronaut/professional photographer/professional tennis player/pediatrician and still be able to cook good food at home. so what am i suppose to do? i'm not sure really. enrol myself in a cooking school? breathe down my grandma's neck whenever she's in the kittchen? get jamie oliver to make me his protege? (HAHAHAHAHA, i didnt realise i was this funny)

whatever it is, i cant wait because no matter what, i am going to make sure i know how to cook before i go off to university. urgh, now i need to get my hands on jamie oliver's new cookbook, jamie's ministry of food, which is targeted at people like me - those who havent a clue about cooking. so if you have the time, do try to pick up cooking skills too. correction: you MUST try. most people nowadays are becoming too reliant on their grandmas, restaurants or fast food joints for food. have you ever wondered what would happen when you leave home? you cant depend on the latter two for food forever, can you? if you do, boy, are you in for an unhealthy and obese future...

but more importantly!













as a christmas present for me, anyone?

finally managed to get our arses over to the haagen-dazs buffet today. but boy, am i tired.

tired... from the driving. the ice-cream. and having to put off a really needed trip to the toilets because they didnt have toilet rolls. i never really liked public toilet anyways.

our target was 20 scoops each, as suggested by CK, who ironically ate the least of us all.

the final tally:

as expected by my mum (and much to her delight i must say), i said i'm going to avoid any form of ice-cream for a few months now. oh gosh, with still a pint of untouched belgian chocolate ice-cream in the freezer? OH NOOOO. because as surprised as i am, i have to admit that the buffet was sickening. i have to say this though: me eating 11 scoops, was kinda like getting a B grade at english. honestly! i seriously thought i could have eaten at least 4 scoops more. i didnt even have lunch. alas, the dense and very creamy ice-cream haagen-dazs is famously known for got the best of me. in this situation, less is certainly more. really.

*stomach churns violently*

i never knew driving could make someone so weary because that's how i feel right now. maybe it was my contact lenses depriving my eyeballs of oxygen, but driving among malaysians, esp penangites, was *ahem* horrid. i dont mean to commit any form of treason, but gosh, some of the ppl's driving here really gets on my nerves. esp that middle-aged lady driver when we were leaving queensbay. but hey, pot calling the kettle black? haha. not sure yet. but i try to careful and considerate most of the time. now i'm recalling the day my cousin arrived, which was just last wednesday. worst day to drive ever because this time, i was the one committing all the faults. btw? i personally call this inexperience, but i dont even drive like that at all. just a bad day, i guess? my mum and aunt's alarmed screaming coupled with my cousin's inappropriately-timed insane laughter didnt really help either. it was kinda hilarious though. but seriously, what was the BIG deal? we didnt exactly die in a big fiery fireball of twisted metal.

we just almost.

anyway, my cousin went back to KL today. she arrived on wednesday, and guess what we did on the same day. yes, we baked cupcakes again. this time though, we baked it, urm... to welcome back grissom and sara. CSI season 9. its first episode premiered yesterday in america. hurray...?

did i mention that she has a really unhealthy obsession with CSI? especially when it concerns the relationship between gilbert grissom and sara sidle? no? okay, so now you know. now... where was i? oh. cupcakes. yes, we made mint chocolate cupcakes.

it must hurt not to be able to eat any of these really yummy cupcakes. bwahaha~

these cupcakes had to be the best we've ever made. Sara said it. and of course, i did so too. We're not being biased whatsoever, ok? even my aunt(Sara's mum) agreed; she ate two - or three, or four - which is considered A LOT. seriously, it was mind-blowing heaven on earth. well, at least for the time when it was in our mouths. after that, it was back to worrying about how we were going to sustain ourselves amidst this stupid economic crisis.

okay, i was joking about that last part.

yesterday, i spent the whole afternoon trying to perfect the formula for semi-solid lip balm. you see, i suffer from chapped lips frequently. two of my friends do too, and boy, are their lips flaky. flakier than a rabbit with eczema. so i thought, why dont i make some for them as well? well, about producing that semi-solid lip balm, i failed. they ended up a wee bit too hard, but no worries because they're still perfectly usable. anyway, the ingredients i utilised included cocoa butter, shea butter, organic virgin safflower oil, organic beeswax, peppermint and lavender essential oil. semuanya the best of the best. oh and peppermint, you ask? first cupcakes, now lip balm? hey, i just like to keep the ball rolling sometimes. besides, the peppermint added provides a temporary cooling sensation when applied. cool, right? no pun intended. and btw, i can do all this thanks to my other aunt who's living australia. you get various kinds of materials over there, just to make your own homemade lip balm, soap, shampoo, bla bla bla... all without any preservatives or additives. lovely, aint it? to cap everything off, making or applying lip balm DOES NOT erode a person's masculinity. puh-lease. i tahu how some people think, okay? ...maybe that, or i'm just over-analysing the situation.

i do not
know what to say,
what to do, and
what to make out of this crisis.

i do not
know how to control my feelings,
my emotions, and
my mouth.

i do not know how to do anything.
i do not know anything.
i do not own anything.

just being human.

~

urgh, melodramatic behaviour.

i could die right now. in fact, i DO want to die right now. contemplating suicide, well, is something new to me. should i do it like the japanese, or should i just kill myself the traditional way? by hanging myself or by slitting my wrists? starvation or electrocution? hey, i have a car for a reason, so maybe i should utilise the precious carbon monoxide that it produces. or maybe, just maybe, i could get najis to get rid of me mongolian style, that'd be harder, but what a way. so many techniques, so many methods. how do i choose? i can say that i am totally spoilt for choice.

my best friend and i were ranting, talking crap and wasting money at tuition yesterday. i was wondering if my suicide would trigger a chain reaction. after my death, friends and family would get depressed. they would get so depressed, they would eventually commit suicide as well. then, their family and friends would get depressed and the whole cycle would repeat itself. then maybe after a year or so, the human race would have become extinct because of me! ha, wishful thinking. talk about dying happy. i doubt i am that worthwhile to them anyway.

i've got to be joking, right? joking about this whole committing suicide issue? well, it depends. my best friend and i came up with a theory. frankly, i do not know whether such a theory already exists or not, but whatever. our theory states that suicidal or pseudo-suicidal people can be put into four categories. the first one would be where that person blabs to the whole entire world about how miserable and horrible his life is, saying how much he wants to end his life, only to do nothing in the end. the second category would be where that person does exactly what the person in the first category does, the only difference is that he really kills himself in the end. in the third category, you would meet a person who seems alright, who seems satisfied with his life, who seems a-okay. in actuality, that person is living a lie, his life a masquerade. his happy façade manages to bluff everyone and tells them that he's happy and not miserable at all, right until he commits suicide that is, which would quitessentially surprise all the people he's been interacting with. that's the third category. in the last category would be a person who has nothing and who seems to you, is facing every kind of problem imaginable. debt, despair, devils and dead relatives popping up asking him to burn paper ipods for them. and you wonder, "when is he ever going to kill himself? when is he ever going to get out of my sight and stop ruining my otherwise perfect garden/neighbourhood/society?" and when he doesnt go away, it perplexes you. well, hang in there, because this person is here to stay. he may always be in a some sort of predicament, but this category four-person is optimistic and determined to make his way through life's obstacles, no matter how feeble his efforts may be.

so, which category do i belong to?

i have a feeling that if you choose the first category, i may want to prove you wrong and actually kill myself. but wait! if you choose the second category, i may still kill myself. choosing the third category would be, hmmm... oh i dunno. the fourth category? yea, i guess you must really know me then. i never knew i was that kind of person. wow, optimism... never heard of it.

and then there's the question of heaven and hell. oh wait, i dont believe anymore. oh well, doesnt matter. forget i said anything pertaining to this issue. surely, i could have just deleted this paragraph, but i choose not to. i wonder why.

of course, this whole entry could just be my way of playing with your mind. turn it around 360 degrees and you would be reading a desperate plea for help and salvation. ooooooh, my life hangs in the balance, so make sure you interpret everything correctly, kay? *depending on your analysis: evil laugh/menangis teresak-esak*



note: there's a reason as to why i am so keen on studying psychology.

i wish i could say that i was okay. but i'm not. i'm not okay.

i'm feeling like shit these days. besides having my circadian rhythm all fucking messed up, i just do not feel like doing anything for the time period when i'm actually awake. my number one priority should be revising for my SPM, right? harharhar~ that's actually the last thing on my mind right now. i spend my days decaying in front of the television and computer, stuffing myself silly with kitkat and M&Ms, worrying and thinking about my non-existent future. yes, how productive.

a haagen-dazs buffet could have temporarily alleviated my pain, but in the end, two friends backed out. i really cant comprehend why anyone would give up an opportunity to gorge themselves on good quality ice-cream, esp when it's only for 40 damn ringgit(excluding taxes). one said his relatives from really, really faraway land came for a visit. the other i have no idea BECAUSE HE DIDNT GIVE ANY FUCKING REASON. well, he did at least have the balls to sms me at 3 in the morning, I REPEAT AT 3AM, saying he wouldnt be able to make it. excuse the language, but... oh wait, you wouldnt understand, so just PLEASE shut the fuck up.

i desperately need something to hate right now. something, or someone, to actually hit, kick, punch, throttle, bludgeon, stab, pour boiling curry on, throw a cellphone at, chop up, marinate, and put into the oven. i NEED to release all this pent-up rage, anger and frustration.